Videos are used to convey a point that you cannot express in person. Maybe you want to show a technique on genital massage but nudity/touching is NSFW (internet slang for “Not Safe For Work”). Or perhaps your demonstration would lack the proper equipment… whatever that may be! For many of us who work in shops or provide sex-advice, a video to review in the privacy of ones home makes great homework for a customer, client, or student. That’s why it is essential to know what exactly it is that you’re assigning to your “pupils.”
Before you pop in a video, know what you are going to show. The first litmus test is pretty simple. Will it hold your attention for more than a few minutes or are you going to ease your way off the couch and busy yourself with backlogged chores? Sometimes the show is simply too boring to capture interest, even if it does detail the new strap on technique you’ve been dying to learn.
If it has passed that first test, it’s already proven itself superior to 75% of the films that are out there! But there remain a few other fair weather barometers, like the host’s ability to act on camera. We’ve all got our own special talents, and many of the leading sex educators in real life are amazing in real life when conducting a class. Yet put that red light on, and anyone can become a stuttering bowl of Jell-O. Or worse yet are the eye-candy co-hosts hired to demonstrate techniques. While listening to someone talk about the anatomy of the g-spot, it isn’t really helpful to see a naked person in the background showing off their pouty-face. You would hope that the naked person would to sit up properly, stop distracting us, and wait for their turn to do the work. We’ll appreciate them when it’s their turn. Really.
Next we should focus on “What is going on the background?” We’re not talking about naked people or dildos floating through the air, but rather what is the background noise being broadcast? Two things can really kill a mood: poor soundtracks, and for many clients, deep breathing.
Fortunately, you can always turn off the sound, but that could defeat the point of using the video in the first place. Remember, videos are often used to express a point that you can’t convey yourself. So while some people can easily tune out a tantric breath session or explain till blue in the face how fabulous deep breathing can be for your sexual playtime behavior, many of your clients will be distracted beyond the point of absorption by all of the “oooohhs” and “aaaahhhhs.”
Finally, the last question is, what type of client could this video best serve? If you’re working with a conservative couple, showing them a film dominated by close-up shots of rosebud massage might not be the best choice. Start off slow, something a little bit more clinical with a softer side. It may be important to push people a bit, but to knock them senseless is counterproductive.
So listed below are a few favorite sex educational films. There certainly are many more we could recommend, but we are going to keep this short and sweet. And to make sure we don’t leave too many out of the fun, we’ve made a special effort to include films from many different genres. Sensual, clinical, educational, funny, or how-to, you get it all while we break it down for you (in no particular order) in terms of what works best for each type of learner.
1. Healing Sex: The Complete Guide to Sexual Wholeness, Staci Haines, S.I.R. Video Productions, 2004
1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 8 men are sexually assaulted. It’s a sad but common occurrence that our society is still struggling with. Left untreated or even unacknowledged, many remain afflicted by wounds to the detriment of their sexual functioning and lives.
I don’t know of ANY other video that tackles this difficult subject. Staci Haines is a genius and my go-to woman for healthy sexual functioning after sexual assault. If you have a customer or client who is dealing with sexual trauma, I highly recommend this film. Not for the faint, it presses some difficult concepts, like keeping oneself safe, recognizing where one is, setting boundaries, and enjoying sexual feelings.
This video should be a staple in your video library.
2. Red Hot Touch, Exquisite Anal Massage, Miss Jaiya and New World Touch, 2008
Anal massage certainly doesn’t get enough press in our culture. We’re all about popping it in the butt, but rarely do we talk about the fine art of caressing the glorious brown-eyed star.
Miss Jaiya’s how-to videos can be used with any type of client. First off, she gives you options. You can choose to view the video with her commentary on or off. But more revolutionary to me was the choice to toggle the background music on or off. It’s no surprise that I’m pro-choice! She also does a good job breaking down different sub-topics and offering them as separate mini-videos. While the film may be limited to girl on boy in every scene, all in all it’s beautiful, sensual and very detailed explanations (sometimes down to how many seconds you should fondle for)!
3. The Clitoris: Forbidden Pleasure, First Run Icarus Films, 2003
Hard to get your hands onto, but definitely worth your troubles, The Clitoris is a mix between exploring pleasure and providing sex education. It is narrated by Natalie Angier, who wrote the book Women: An Intimate Geography and is supported by educators, researchers and therapists and everyday folk from the United States, France, England, Holland, and Australia.
The Clitoris uses super useful graphics and animations to explain the full clitoral structure, discusses the G-spot, investigates vaginal vs. clitoral orgasms, and makes sure to interview intersexed individuals whose genitals have been altered to fit in the boxes of what a clitoris should look like based on societal standards.
If this sounds a little too clinical for you or your clients, know this, throughout the film they video lightens the mood and get people climbing on the edge of their seat looking to learn more. It’s cheeky and clinical. A nice mix.
4. Nina Hartley’s Guide to Strap On Sex, Adam and Eve, 2006
Nina Hartley is perhaps a staple in sex positive sex education for adults . This woman has a “how-to” video for basically every type of sex play there is. Sex with Pregnant Ladies? Got it. Foot Fun? Check. Foreplay… yah you betcha! So while we’ve picked her guide to strap on sex as the epitome of her style and production, most of my adulations apply equally well to her whole catalogue.
Nina appeals to many different individuals because of the layout of her films. She doesn’t start people naked right off the bat. She likes to explain who she is and what she will be talking about first. I find this technique builds trust with the audience. Anatomy is covered, models are introduced and instruction is given, all while Nina remains very factual and focused (despite where she may be sticking things). A perfect balance. Then, she gives the viewer the option of watching sex scenes that orchestrate what she just explained.
Strap-On Sex in particular is one of our go-to guides because not only does it cover how to use the different types that are out there, but the video also covers pegging and has a super hot scene too boot! If there is one Nina video to obtain, this is the one.
5. Talk to Me Baby: A Lover’s Guide to Dirty Talk and Role Play, Shar Rednour, Sir Video, 2005
Shar certainly has a way with words and she can take one of the most terrifying sexual behaviors people have and make it fun. Really, really fun! She’s got one of the best potty mouths in the business and knows how to turn on the charm. Her style and grace helps to calm the audience’s anxiety down, but still allow her to talk like a dirty pig slut anytime she wants too. Beyond talking dirty, this video also goes over the sticky subject of how to tell your lover what type of role-play, scene, fetish, or experience that you’re dying to try out. The examples of “confident” and “unconfident” ways to broach such subjects are hilarious. Every time this video is presented, there is scandalous gasping mixed with grateful laughter.
6. Penny Flames Expert Guide to Hand jobs, Vivid Films, 2008
When we first picked up Penny Flames video, we must admit we were a little jaded. Yet another porn star trying to sell herself as good at teaching people how to play. We’ve seen plenty of them, and frankly, they are most often the type of videos that allow people catch up on those chores we were referring to earlier.
Wow, were we pleasantly surprised to be wrong. Penny is CUTE! She’s got this girl next-door look, but knows how to butter up a camera. She’s comical, engaging and informative all while stroking someone’s neither regions. She is a crowd pleaser, both eye-candy and informative. Bonus points are included for the fact that she uses the word “hand job” to describe stroking a vulva or a penis. She covers both! And double bonus, if your audience is looking for a bit more action after the “class” is over, she’s got sex scenes complete with a cartoon image of her popping up mid stroke in to point out the good (and the bad) things the stars are doing.
In terms of adult sex ed videos, Penny is right up there with Ms. Nina Hartley. Sadly, she’s left the adult scene due to self identified “sexual compulsion issues”. We wish her the best in her journey towards self-discovery.
7. Selfloving: Portrait Of A Women’s Sexuality Seminar, Betty Dodson Ph.D, 2005
When it comes to anatomy, Selfloving provides a realistic appraisal of the many differences in female genital structure. Be prepared, jaws may drop, but they quickly fill with giggles when Betty so cutely cries-“Oh Mary, It’s so pretty! You have such a pretty pussy!” Studies show that women who feel good about and take pride in their genitals lead healthier lives and report being more sexually satisfied.
Betty’s video ends in a group orgasm, which may be a little shocking for the everyday person. Seeing a bunch of women gathered in a circle, having their own orgasms as their neighbors simultaneously satisfy themselves can be a bit much. In addition, the hairstyles seem to be very outdated which can be distracting to some. But if teaching your client to be accepting of their anatomy is your goal, Selfloving will help you reach it.
8. Private Dicks: Men Exposed, HBO, 1999
Perhaps the most common questions received as sex educators are of the “Am I Normal?” variety, and amongst men, penis size and shape are always hot topics. That’s why this video is a charm. Not to be viewed or sold as a “how-to” but more of a “You’re ok” video that HBO orchestrates beautifully.
Men from every walk of life are interviewed about their relationships with their penis. The interviewees range from the average man to the porn star, from the circumcised dude to the foreskin restoration enthusiast. This very intimate documentary brings to light some of the hidden stories surrounding a man’s private sexual parts, and they do it in a way that’s refreshing, sweet, informative, and most importantly, honest.
9. Orgasm, The Faces of Ecstasy, Blank Tapes and LIBIDO Films, 2004
The CSPH works with many women who can’t reach an orgasm because they are afraid of what they will look like in flagrante delicto; it’s a real detriment to many people’s sexual wellbeing that they worry their face may scrunch up sideways or that their eyes cross and uncross with the big O. Now one could show these poor neurotic souls hours of commercial porn, but the bouncy tits or rock hard penis in the foreground could distract them from studying the face one makes during an orgasm. If you’re looking to get away from the NSFW films, Orgasm, The Faces of Ecstasy is here to the rescue.
This video is hot without being explicit. It shows how gorgeous, weird, and exciting people’s faces look as they experience sexual pleasure. Sure you get a quick glimpse of a sassy face in most porn, but this video is solely designed to capture the expressions of sexual pleasure without any of the messiness that often occurs after playtime.
10. A (Lesbian’s/Heterosexual’s/Gay Men’s) Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Response, Mark Schoen, Ph.D, Health and Science Advisory Board, 2006
A _____Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Response comes in 3 forms: Gay Men’s, Lesbian’s and Heterosexual. Consider using these videos if:
a. you have a couple who has lost (or never really learned) how to touch their partner
b. the couple is so focused on getting to the orgasm they bypass all the other fun stuff
c. they need a sex therapist but the nearest one is 100 miles away.
The ______Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Response is based off of a technique Masters and Johnson developed in the ‘60s that became one of the most highly regarded aspects of sex therapy: sensate focus touch. The therapist’s teach the audience methods of creating erotic touch by verbally introducing steps slowly and then sensually teaching the audience by having real life couples act the scenario’s out. Clinical but sensual, these videos are excellent for couples looking to rediscover the power of touch and taking things slowly under an expert’s eye.
Keep Your Eyes On:
Promoting Sexual Literacy is the founder, Mark Schoen, Ph.D motto, and he certainly lives up to what he aims for! Sex Smart Films is a sex educator’s dream. Designed to be a one stop online location for hard to locate visual aids, you can gather vintage films, clips of famous sexologists being interviewed and the latest in sexual studies. More clinical than Penny Flames line, but good to have at your fingertips!
Orgasm, Inc-The Strange Science of Female Pleasure, Astrea Media, 2009
In the shocking and hilarious documentary ORGASM INC., filmmaker Liz Canner takes a job editing erotic videos for a drug trial for a pharmaceutical company. Her employer is developing what they hope will be the first Viagra drug for women that wins FDA approval to treat a new disease: Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). Liz gains permission to film the company for her own documentary. Initially, she plans to create a movie about science and pleasure but she soon begins to suspect that her employer, along with a cadre of other medical companies, might be trying to take advantage of women (and potentially endanger their health) in pursuit of billion dollar profits. ORGASM INC. is a powerful look inside the medical industry and the marketing campaigns that are literally and figuratively reshaping our everyday lives around health, illness, desire — and that ultimate moment: orgasm.